General · Satire

Wanted: Heroine of a Young Adult novel.

Up and coming YA novel seeks a strong and motivated female to lead its team to victory in a dystopian future.

Job duration: 3 books

Job description

The ideal candidate will:

1. Have an obscure name that is difficult to pronounce.

2. Be an orphan or raised by a single mother or father who never got over their S.O.’s death and now drink themselves to oblivion.

3. Never realize how pretty she looks.

4. Like, seriously. Her? Pretty?

5. Be white. If POC, must be okay with their skin color being likened to any coffee beverage (honey, mocha, caramel…we could go on and on).

Main responsibilities

1. Must save the human race.

2. Must also choose a boyfriend before the end of the first book.

3. The love interest can be:

a. Best friend, who you realize was there all along only towards the last few pages of the book.

b. Brooding hot guy with a dark past. You will fix him while also saving the world.

4. Shouldn’t know you’re pretty until your love interest makes you realize it. Extra points if you have multiple pages of internal monologue about how not-pretty you are.

5. Should have a girl you’ve been best friends with since childhood. She is there just to move the plot along.

Skills and requirements

1. Should be able to ramble about whether he likes you or not and also topple a totalitarian government at the same time.

2. Should not wear makeup because you are low maintenance. Your best friend will give you a makeover halfway through the novel, after which your love interest will fall for you.

3. Every kiss should involve fireworks, sparkles, rainbows, and star dust.

4. Should repeat that you’re not pretty every 3 pages (negotiable).

5. Should be waxed and smell good even after running through a forest for 60 days while escaping the beasts/murderous special agents the totalitarian government has sent after you.


Interested? Send rΓ©sumΓ©s to


~ Shruti

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37 thoughts on “Wanted: Heroine of a Young Adult novel.

      1. Everything has a shelf life. I believe sooner or later this style will fall out of fashion and a new trope will settle in, it’ll be fresh, for about 5 books or so, and then the gradual complains will start again. Oh it’s a never ending cycle Shruti!

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Bwahahaha You made me laugh so hard! And everything you said is true except for the skin color (think about The hate U Give (Starr is “black”) A Forrest of a Thousand lanterns (Chinese I guess), The Crown of Wishes (Persian?), The Hundredth Queen etc.). See “people of color” make for incredible YA heroines too and that’s only fair!
    Now even knowing all this I still love YA so I guess this works for me right now πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeaaaah, but their skin color is always compared to coffee. Like, why? The problem is not not having POC as protagonists (because they are, as seen from your comment 😊). Their color always being likened to coffee is kinda funny. 😁

      Look at you, making me explain jokes. πŸ‘€πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Annddd… you also need to be really good at some kind of fighting skill that you sort of practised a bit while growing up – which somehow manages to make you capable of out-wrestling/shooting/stabbing an adult battle-hardened soldier while worrying about your lack of good looks…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahahaha, I really did laugh out loud with this one! πŸ˜‚ This is so true!

      It’s always some kind of fighting they tried their hand at as a kid and now use to save the world.

      “…while worrying about your lack of good looks”, though. You’re winning at commenting, Sarah! πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. First thing that clicks in my mind after reading this – TWILIGHT. Read it again – Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, every third YA novel you get your hands on!!!! Great post! I laughed and I laughed and I laughed πŸ˜πŸ˜†πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ooo, don’t forget The Strikingly standout-y eyes, which can be of blue/green/grey and is the one feature that heroine thinks is good in her dull appearance!

    Liked by 2 people

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