Language warning: Contains expletives. Hide your mother.
Hey. Hi. Hello.
Can I have your attention please?
Push your coke-bottle eyeglasses up your nose and notice me, you freakin’ nerd. Can’t you see how big I’m becoming? Ease the pain a little, you dipshit. Read a book from me instead of laughing at random cat videos, ya hear me?
WAIT A MINUTE. Is that another book? You’re still buying books? Really?
Which part of “self-imposed book buying ban until I finish all the books on my TBR list” did you not understand, you factory-reject dildo? Is your resolve really that weak?
Oh and don’t even get me started about your review policy.
Your blog “is accepting books and galleys for review”? Really, jackass? Aren’t you forgetting a teeny-tiny little thing? Something you shouldn’t be forgetting? ME, YOU SNOT-NOSED SHITBAG! Finish me first. Beg for ARCs later.
And while we’re at it, can you please finish the ARCs in my pile first? There are authors waiting to hear what you think about their books, but all your sorry ass does is binge watch lame TV shows on Netflix, correct?
Listen up, phlegm bucket. Stop being such a bumder. You need to finish these books, you hear me? Do you want me to be a little louder so that you’ll understand, Ms. Shit-for-brains? No? Okay, cool.
Oh and, one last thing: