Off Tangent Thoughts (OTT) is a kickass meme my girl Charvi of Not Just Fiction fame started.
“Off Tangent Thoughts(OTT) is a bi-monthly meme that has a basic list-based format wherein bloggers express their points in the form of a short or long list with the points under the list being merely a couple lines or even complete paragraphs. Bloggers are also free to use headings or bring in other variations- put your own spin on it if you like. After all it’s just about letting your thoughts run wild!”
This week’s prompt is “Thoughts you have when someone interrupts your reading”.
I missed the first two tags because I’m the absolute worst™ but I’m here this time.
…mostly because C virtually dragged me kicking and screaming to my laptop to do this.
You see, if I write all my murderous plans here, people will be on guard, ya feel? Because, boy, do I have plans for people who interrupt my reading.
The 5 extremely specific ways in which I will kill you if you ever interrupt my reading
1. Have you heard of War and Peace, sweetheart? The 1392 page-long, life-affirming masterpiece?
Yup, I will take that beautiful novel and whack it on your head repeatedly until you die.
2. Do you know how books with mould and mildew smell? Aww, don’t worry if you don’t. You’re gonna get extremely familiar with it, ya know, as I slowly smother you to death with it.
3. The prettiest edition of Fahrenheit 451 is the one with the spine made of match striking paper. And I always have a matchbox on me.
Oh, you wanna know why I’m talking about this? I’m going set your head on fire, of course! Adios, baby!
4. Did you know I’m not a big fan of J.K. Rowling anymore? But that I own a shitload of Harry Potter merchandise that I have no idea how to use? Yeah, one of those pretty wands is going to shoved so far down your throat, you’ll be shitting jinxes for a month. If you don’t choke on it and die first, that is.
5. There may be no music playing but still, I had earphones on so nosy pricks like you would leave me alone. And yet, you chose to interrupt my reading anyway.
Do you know what happens to interrupters like your bony ass?
They get strangled. With earphones.
Hang on, I have a secret option number 6.
And it’s gory.
Would you like to know what it is?
Interrupt my reading to find out, yo.